The constant desire to find the place where I fit in is so real. I’m not feeling so good today, so since I don’t have anything pressing, I decided to take it easy. Here I sit in bed with my sweet baby by my side sleeping and my husband out like a light, also (he’s on nights), full of introspection.
My mind has always been clearest when I journal on a regular basis: gratitude, thoughts, experiences and feelings both highs and lows. Looking back on old journal entries, there’s something satisfactory and a gaining of understanding who I am now and how I got there.
Because sometimes we forget how we got to where we are. Sometimes, I feels like we’re stagnant and that nothing has changed but every time I go back and read how I processed thoughts and emotions and the goals I had set up for myself, the growth and change is surprising!
Here I am again, at the beginning of the year, setting my intentions. I think many of them from last year bleed over, but it’s not because the goal hadn’t been met, but because it still holds the same level of importance.
- To have a happy marriage.
- To be a loving, kind and thoughtful mother.
- To own a successful multi-billion dollar empire
- To honor the network that I have.
- To have a beautiful clean mansion with a cultivated garden full of blossoms.
I am incredibly grateful for where my marriage is at today. It’s beautiful…full of kindness, thoughtfulness and love. I prayed for this level of strength and the Lord gave it and I am so grateful for the beauty that I have not seen yet.
The transition into motherhood was something I feared a little but it has been truly seem less. Very few bumps. I can credit A LOT of that to the support that I had. With Ian having 3 months off. My mother in law staying with me the first month and my brother and sister coming to stay with me for the next two months. It was almost 4 months before I was ever alone with my baby, giving me the chance to just bond and discover motherhood, while everyone else took care of everything else.
I took very few meetings and did not start working fully until 2-3 months in. Which I understand, is a HUGE privilege that not all women can experience, But, nonetheless, I am so grateful!
I truly believe that because of the laid back life we had in our little Honey Bunny’s first few months, that is why he was so calm. So many people have marveled over how good of a baby he was.
There is something to be said about waiting for your life to be in a certain place before moving on to bigger and better things. I always said that before having a baby, I wanted an elegant wedding to celebrate that we made it thus far, a home that was ours, a table for the dining room to entertain and business that was all mine. It is amazing how all those things came to be all at once. I thought I was going to hyperventilate more than once at the time, because it just had to happen all at once, but at the end, it was good. Then came the season of rest.